he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
