Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
