"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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