you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
