i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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