first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I have already put on my inside pants.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
