Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
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