im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
