She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
