Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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