It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
