Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
