I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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