a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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