even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
