I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
