i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize