yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
