bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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