dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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