why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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