True but thats because hes a fetus.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
