Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Hippo gnu deer
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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