You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
