capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You have to summon your inner elephant
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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