Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
