Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
