ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
