R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize