Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
