Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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