five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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