to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
