**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
