So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
