y did u give ur computer a hand job?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
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She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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