did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I have peed in a lot of sinks
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
