I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I did not marry a roomba.
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