I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
