He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
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