as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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