I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
