I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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