Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
