new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
