dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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