Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.