so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé