why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
