What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.