Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
