hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
