3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
