If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
