sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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