Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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