..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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