Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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