i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
