So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
