im drinking this country out of the recession.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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