He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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