I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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