fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize