Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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