Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you have to choose: penises or morals?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Randomize
