Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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