There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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