i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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