Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
