i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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