I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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