Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
