I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I smell stomach acid.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
